How to Talk to (Geek)Girls Online– Social Networking Etiquette
This post is another one of those that have been wrought from my frustration. I'm going to try and make it less of a rant and more of an informational piece, but please forgive me if the rant bleeds through from time to time.
I am one of those strange creatures who lives online. When I say I live online, I mean that I am online more than I am offline. I work online. I shop online. I bank online. I watch TV and movies online. I order takeout online. I research online. And perhaps most importantly, I socialize and network online. I am going to go out on a limb here and deem myself an expert in online socialization. That said, I feel it's important to relate a few very important unwritten rules that should indeed be written someplace. Men, pay special attention here, ok? Although these rules apply to everybody, I'm going to really school you Y chromosome types, so pay attention.
-
Social Networks: For most all social networks, there are a few good rules to follow.
- Friend Requests – Do include your real actual name (DrkKNt1969 is NOT sufficient for me to know who the heck you might be). If we've never met, please tell me why you wish to be my friend. This is not where you say, "wow ur hot – friend me k?". What DOES work nicely is "hello, we have X in common and I'd like to get to know you". That's much better. Avoid the standard friend request text provided by the platform. There's not much information in there. Kevin O'Keefe wrote a good post about friending – check it out. Tim O'Reilly agrees.
- Public versus Private Messages – This should REALLY be a no brainer but I'll throw it in here. If you wouldn't want your mother (or your children) to read it, please for the love of all that is wonderful, do not post it publicly. This is probably less of an issue on MySpace – where you can set a profile to private, but seriously, just don't. I love a good joke, off-color cartoon and the like, but my children (and potential clients/employers) look at my Facebook etc. Unless you want to chip in on the kids' future therapy, please be respectful. Send me a private message with anything that might be questionable.
- Application Requests – I hate these. I don't know why in the world people use them. I hate them. Did I mention I hate them? I do not want to pet a hottie, participate in a mafia war, grow some egg creature, play the movie trivia game, see who has the smelliest fart or know what kind of animal I resemble. This brings absolutely NO value to my life. I REMOVE people from my friends list who do this too often (you know who you are). Did I mention I hate this? I think they are an insult to another's intelligence.
- Blogs: I'll limit this tip to the posting of comments in blogs. If you disagree with the author, that's great! Do it respectfully. Snide, sarcastic comments that are ad hominem attacks are not useful. I delete them. I do like discussion and dissention. Leave an email or a URL – it's helpful to take the conversation offline or to follow up. Do not waste comment space with "first" responses or simple spammy links to your website. Participate! That's why bloggers enable comments.
-
Instant Messaging: If you are on one of my zillion instant messaging friend lists, then it's for one of two reasons. Either A) I know you, like you and want to talk to you frequently or B) You are WAY too chatty on other platforms and to reduce noise, I've moved you to IM. Now there are a couple of IM guidelines everybody should know.
- Do not nudge/buzz/shake me. Gosh, that's annoying!
- Emoticons are enhancements – not words. Use them as garnish.
- If I do not respond right away, it's probably because I'm distracted. I work. I have children. I have dogs. I have friends, phone, etc. Sometimes I turn my attention to something else. That's the neat thing about IM versus phone. You're supposed to be able to do this! You do not have to ask me "are you there?" 5000 times, ok?
- All Caps is still considered yelling.
- It's always nice to say goodbye when you go offline. I'm just sayin'.
- Twitter: Due to its very nature, Twitter is somewhat self-policing, but there are a couple of caveats I'd like to mention. First and Foremost – All your followers do not wish to read a long one sided back and forth conversation in the form of @replies. If the conversation can be kept to a few exchanges, please use direct messages to do so. Now there is a limit to direct messages also. If the conversation is going to take more than a couple of DM's, then it's a candidate for moving to email or Instant Messaging. The interface makes it clunky to have a long conversation via DM. Secondly, your tweets should be at least an equal number of original thoughts and @replies. I generally do not follow people whose stream shows mostly @replies. I just can't get a gist of what they say or who they are this way. Finally, Twitter is NOT instant messaging. Those "hey", "whatcha doing", "where'd you go", "I'm home" replies in the public timeline are annoying. Send them via Direct Message or refrain. Twitter really IS a lifecasting/microblogging platform. While conversation does play a part, it's not at all like IM.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST - THE ONE RULE TO RULE THEM ALL: If you would not say this to me in person in a public venue such as a bookstore, coffeeshop, grocery etc, then for Pete's sake do not say it to me here! Anonymity tends to make people bold. But honestly, most guys do not go around describing their anatomy or its various states and functions in public places. I'm pretty sure it can get you arrested in some cases. It never ceases to amaze me that men online feel perfectly comfortable asking me about my sexual proclivities or describing their own – and they don't even know the color of my eyes.
I think online communication is so essential to most everything I do. Like anything else, I encounter people who either don't know or don't care how they come across online. I just wish everybody would take the time to learn the culture, use respect and THINK about what they are doing and saying electronically. We do not have the benefit of body language, eye contact or context. This makes these rules all the more important. So – if I haven't scared you, give me a shout on any of the social networks I've posted in the sidebar above! Cheers!
Some more good articles about Social Networking Etiquette:
Times Online – Etiquette pitfalls in the social web of wannabe friends
Chris Brogan – Considering Social Network Etiquette (a must read)
PC World – The Etiquette of Social Networking
Posted on 11.07.2008 at 9:18 PM